The Practicon calendar: the greatest Secret Santa present of all time?

Dental company Practicon put out a calendar featuring dental models in amusing family-style poses. They didn’t expect it to go viral, but it’s not hard to see why it did!

Here, in its entirety, is the amazing Practicon dental calendar 2013. Click to enlarge the images.

Even better, Practicon are now selling the calendars online – including international shipping. Buy yours here, and become the Secret Santa legend you’ve always wanted to be.

Tags: amazing, bonkersness, calendar, dental, disturbing, Disturbing things I've found on the internet, Facebook, Interesting, internet, Practicon, viral

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Social media response of the day: O2 goes street

It’s not generally advisable to try and be down with the kids when you’re writing for a brand, but I’m letting O2 off for this, because it’s hilarious.

Nah Tunde, you don’t look like “an illiterate”. Not at all. Fam.

Tags: copy, copywriting, down with the kids, fam, good copy, Interesting, o2, online, social media, tone of voice, Twitter, Writing

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This is what 99p’s worth of copywriting gets you

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Ad agency Ralph lets you assassinate Facebook friends with small breasts

This week in jaw-dropping, how-the-hell-did-this-get-made campaigns is Ralph’s very short-lived Facebook one for Square Enix’s Hitman game.

It allowed you to put a “hit” out on your Facebook friends (ie send a hitman after them). This is questionable in itself. But the list of reasons you can give for killing them, and worse, the list of identifying traits you can give to the hitman had my jaw on the floor.

Gaming blog Rock, Paper, Shotgun lists said traits as follows:

Her awful make-upHer ginger hairHer annoying laughHer strange odourHer big earsHer muffin topHer hairy legsHer small tits

Seriously. Here’s a screenshot to prove it, where he’s chosen a friend to “kill” because she’s cheating (click to enlarge):

That’s not something he’s typed in himself – it’s from a dropdown list of pre-determined selections. Small tits. Ginger hair. Seriously.

Next in this stellar process is a message saying you’ve been wished dead:

And THEN a video of the deed. Amazing.

I have no words.

Unsurprisingly, this campaign was pulled almost as soon as it launched, but the problem is, it DID launch. It was concepted, refined and built, tested and deployed, and no one said “hold on, should we really be suggesting killing people with bad make-up?”. Unbelievable.

Here’s Square Enix’s cringing apology:

“Earlier today we launched an app based around Hitman: Absolution that allowed you to place virtual hits on your Facebook friends. Those hits would only be viewable by the recipient and could only be sent to people who were confirmed friends.

We were wide of the mark with the app and following feedback from the community we decided the best thing to do was remove it completely and quickly. This we’ve now done.

We’re sorry for any offence caused by this.”

No word yet from Ralph, the agency responsible, though. Disappointing.

Story and pictures via Rock,  Paper, Shotgun.

Tags: advertising, agencies, digital, Disturbing things I've found on the internet, Facebook, fail, gaming, marketing, online, Ralph, Rants, sexism, small tits, social media, Square Enix, unbelievable

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Will the Natural Products Association Live Up to its Name in the Continued Fight for GMO Labeling?

By Dr. Mercola

As you've no doubt heard, California Proposition 37, which would have required genetically engineered (GE) foods to be labeled as such and prohibited GE-containing foods to be labeled as "natural" or "all-natural," failed to pass on November 6 by just a few percentage points.

California is reporting that Yes on 37 garnered 48.5 percent of the vote compared to 51.5 percent on the No side.

This was the net effect of the $50 million dollar No to 37 campaign, which saturated California voters with misleading ads. It's a testament to consumer education that they won with such a narrow margin despite outspending the Yes campaign by tens of millions of dollars.

What they didn't anticipate was the backlash, and the inevitability of labeling now that so much awareness has been brought about in the media and word of mouth.

Finally, Americans will have a discussion about genetically engineered monocultures and the dangers they present to our environment and our health. I want to extend my personal thanks to each and every one of you who participated in the Right To Know campaign.

Just know that there will be plenty of opportunity to keep pushing for GE labeling in the coming year, and if the California ballot did anything, it was to massively increase awareness about GE foods across the US.

It is a critical first step that US states pass legislation; it is the ONLY way our federal government will take action. I am going to share my opinions about Prop 37 over a series of upcoming articles.

Here, I want to address the Natural Products Association (NPA) and ask them to protect the integrity of "Natural" and honor consumers' choice. Businesses love to market products as 'Natural' because it has value to the consumer, but what does the consumer expect from 'Natural' goods?

The NPA is the leading trade association for natural products, leading the charge in lobbying Capitol Hill and setting the standards for natural products. The NPA mission statement reads:

"As the leading voice of the natural products industry, the Natural Products Association's mission is to advocate for the rights of consumers to have access to products that will maintain and improve their health, and for the rights of retailers and suppliers to sell these products."

The NPA's Natural Standard for Personal Care Products1 debuted in 2008. It was the first and only natural certification in the US, and the certification has become well recognized in the years since. NPA certified products use natural ingredients, avoid ingredients with health risks, don't use animal testing, and include a majority of biodegradable or recycled material in the packaging.

What most people do not realize however, is that the NPA's Natural certification does not actually prohibit genetically engineered (GE) ingredients... In fact, a product can contain 100% GE ingredients and still qualify for their Natural certification! Furthermore, the Association did not support Prop. 37, and Shaw has stated the Association does not support state-by-state GE labeling efforts.

As recently as November, 2012, NPA CEO John Shaw was named one of the Top Lobbyists2. He was also named as one of the top lobbyists for 2010. There can be little doubt that the NPA is in an excellent position to take a strong stand to protect consumers' right to know and push for better certification standards when it comes to natural products.

Yet the unregulated "natural" food, supplements, and products sector, which is routinely produced with genetically engineered ingredients, toxic pesticides, synthetic chemicals, nitrate fertilizers, and livestock drugs, is actually larger than the certified organics sector. This "natural" market is worth more than $50 billion a year, compared to the certified organic sector, which is a $32 billion per year market.

Polls show that most US consumers are confused about the difference between organic and so-called "natural" products, with many consumers believing that "natural" means "almost organic" or even "better than organic," but of course "natural" products are typically much cheaper than the organic varieties, yet typically cost more than conventional products not labeled "natural." In other words, the $50 billion+ "natural" products sector is basically built upon low or non-existent standards, and this ability to charge a premium without actually having to use premium ingredients is what's being protected by organizations fighting against GE labeling.

So is the NPA really lobbying on your behalf on the Hill? In a recent interview with Newhope3603, Shaw is quoted as saying that:

"NPA continues to move aggressively, in Washington, DC, and all across the US, on behalf of its members... The members at NPA are expressing confidence in us. Membership is our No. 1 priority as we move forward, not only to expand, but also to maintain current members and make sure their needs are being met..."

So, who are the members of the National Products Association? Members4 of the NPA include not just trusted natural and organic brands, but also some of the biggest pharmaceutical and chemical companies in the world — in essence some of the premiere opponents to all things natural and/or organic, including:

A press release5 declaring the Association's opposition to Prop. 37 promulgated one of several false statements about Prop. 37, designed to scare people away from GE labeling:

"While the Natural Products Association... support consumers' right to know about their food ingredients, NPA has concerns regarding the enforcement provision and how the proposition defines natural foods. 'Proposition 37 places every supplier, manufacturer, and retailer of food products at risk of unreasonable and frivolous litigation,' NPA's official position said. 'We are concerned the restrictions on natural foods in the proposition language could create a difficult business environment in California and further hinder the ability of our members to sell natural products.' CRN said it opposes Prop 37 because it was not created to protect public health..."

That's a truly telling statement. Because certainly, opposing accurate labeling of genetically engineered products is not, and cannot be, a viable stance of any organization truly dedicated to consumer rights. According to an assessment of the litigation incentives in Prop 37 by legal expert James Cooper, PhD, of George Mason University6, the scope and certainty of Prop 37 make frivolous lawsuits highly unlikely. The press release also falsely claims Prop 37 "includes bounty hunter enforcement provisions". It does not.

John Shaw stated that, "NPA appreciates the contributions of our valued members in crafting this position."

Ironically, in the wake of the failure to pass Prop. 37, consumers are taking companies to court over products using the "natural" label when in fact they contain GE ingredients. (The latest example of this growing trend is Pepperidge Farm's Goldfish Crackers7, which contains GE soy.) In November of last year, a federal court did uphold the right of states to prohibit use of the term "natural" on foods produced through genetic engineering.

In Briseno v. Conagra Foods, Inc.8, in ruling on a motion to dismiss, the U.S. District Court for the Central District of California ruled that because the FDA has not established any definition of the term "natural," state law could be invoked to assert that a claim that genetically engineered food is "natural," is unlawful false advertising. Several other courts have also concluded that state laws regulating or restricting use of the term "natural" are NOT preempted by the FDCA as amended by the Nutrition Labeling and Education Act.

When it comes to genetically engineered products, the NPA seems to struggle under pressure.. Last year, in response to the lack of oversight, NPA said it was developing its own standard for natural claims on food products, which it planned to introduce in 20129. No such standards were ever introduced.

Interestingly enough, GE labeling supporter Roxanne Green from PCC Natural Markets10 --a certified organic retailer that supported Prop. 37 — recently joined the Executive Committee of the Board of Directors of the NPA. What this means is that while the NPA's CEO, John Shaw, is working against labeling of genetically engineered ingredients, the elected President, Roxanne Green, is working for it, as evidenced in the announcement that NPA Northwest supports Washington State's initiative I-522 to label GE foods in the state11.

PCC Natural Markets has already contributed $100,000 in support of I-522 to get it on the November 2013 ballot. (The current goal is to collect 320,000 signatures, recommended by the Secretary of State's office to ensure enough valid signatures by the deadline at year's end.) On October 5, the NPA Northwest also announced a $10,000 donation in support of the labeling initiative12.

It will be interesting to see what develops from this leadership over the long-term. My hope, of course, is that Shaw will reconsider the path the association has taken with regards to genetically engineered ingredients, and do the right thing — protect the integrity of "Natural" and support consumers' right to know.

The Organic Consumers Association (OCA) has launched a national petition on behalf of consumers asking the NPA to "amend its certification process for its NPA Natural Seal to exclude any and all genetically modified ingredients" in order to stop consumer fraud. According to the OCA13:

"The NPA advertises itself as working on behalf of consumers who want to purchase products that they believe are safe and authentically natural," said Ronnie Cummins, Executive Director of the OCA. "Yet nowhere in its personal care products certification process does the NPA screen for genetically modified ingredients, and nowhere on these products is there a label that says 'may contain genetically modified ingredients'. This is an outright act of consumer fraud."

Again, there's room for hope yet that NPA as a whole will take the higher road on this issue and do what is right for consumers, not to mention help establish a firm ground of consumer trust for its members that are truly dedicated to manufacturing superior, wholesome, all-natural and/or organic, safe and health promoting products. Additionally, increasing lawsuits over false or misleading use of the "natural" label will cause the label to lose value, which will set the entire industry back to square one 14.

No matter how you look at it, transgenic, synthetic life forms are very difficult to pull off as "natural." And if they're concerned now, they better get ready for the lawyers who took on Big Tobacco, and won, are now taking on the food industry. According to an October 15 article by BBC News15:

"Don Barrett likes his opponents powerful, and rich. He is the lawyer whose decade-long battle to force the tobacco companies to admit they knew cigarettes were addictive and pay the medical costs of victims was depicted in the film The Insider.

... Mr Barrett's case against Big Food is that companies are misrepresenting their products, promoting them as "natural" or "healthy", when in fact, he says, they are no such thing. His mission is to make them stick to the letter of existing laws which, he says, regulators have been too weak to enforce. He says that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), which oversees food safety in the US, has merely been writing warning letters, which he thinks will not be enough.

... What he himself is fighting for, he says, is people's freedom to make a choice. "Nobody's trying to tell the American people what they have to eat or what they cannot eat, the American people can make those decisions for themselves. It's all about free choice. To have free choice you have to have accurate information. That means Big Food, the food companies, have to start telling the truth about what's in their product. The law requires it."

Yes, the issue of consumers' right to know is NOT going away..There is always more work to be done, and donating to the the Organic Consumers Fund will help several states that are pursuing the right to know genetically engineered foods by passing state legislation.

Over 60 countries around the world label genetically engineered foods, the U.S. is finally waking up. Our food system requires transparency, it's a shame we have to fight so hard for a basic right.

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Things that should be banned from ads: the definitive list

Sourced from my brain and twitter. Join in with #shouldbebannedfromads

People doing accents that aren’t their ownOpera singersDumping out the contents of a bag into the bin to represent having a big poo 
“XYZ just got better” and ALL VARIANTS THEREOFBlue liquid to represent blood or weeMen being endearingly hopeless at household tasks or caring for childrenPretend testimonials from actors (take note, toothpaste ads)Children whisperingBullshit stats like “72% of 8 women who tested this product agreed”Mascara ads filmed with fake eyelashes“Up to X% more effective.” “Up to” includes 0% dammit!Brand ambassadorsMeerkatsMade up words. L’oreal’s “MILLIONIZER” and Three’s “INTERNETTING” are particularly irksomeChoirs and, in fact, all types of singingSlow-mo sneezing (“that’s just nasty”)Pseudoscientific names (one example was “hydrofidrpolylypicides”, haha)“Designed for humans” – well, OBVIOUSLYHorror movie trailers when you’re home alone and scaredFilming starving African children with a £5000 camera, then trying to make us feel bad for themImpressive but obvious word-weaselry: “here at Shell, we design fuel that works on a molecular level” …Duh“Like us on Facebook” as a call to actionBowels, the word “poo”, talk of bloody poo or bloody stoolsPeople staring in wonderment at absurdly ugly carsOrgasm-faces while eatingClassic songs rewritten about the brandAny and all songs we actually like (Blur’s “The Universal” will never be the same again)Jean Claude van Damme’s mulletFake job titles – as in “Hi, I’m Rick, a gum maintenance specialist”Children as adultsAirbrushingTerrible erection metaphors – like deflating balloons to represent being terminally bonerlessCats being smarter than dogs, in turn being smarter than menAds written to win awards, not sell productsHashtags. I don’t entirely agree with this one, but I will say misused hashtagsAdverts for adverts! What is this?! I’ve seen an ad for a Paranormal Activity ad three times this week!Talking animalsThe idea that you ‘deserve’ or ‘are worth’ a productSean Bean’s voiceMatt Berry’s voice (who is Matt Berry, you ask? Just imagine a BIG, EPIC BRITISH VOICE, VERY MANLY, PROBABLY TALKING ABOUT MOUSTACHES. There you go.)Carol VordermanQR codesUnrealistically attractive call centre fem-botsPlinky-plonky music (sorry @paulruk, but I don’t agree that it’s OK for Google and Apple!)Gross ads at teatimeThe word “bloating”The word “lovely”Irritating sound effects on radio ads. Especially bloody alarm clocks and bike bells

Three from @tomcopy that particularly made me laugh:

Supernaturally good-looking guy strokes clinically clean-shaven chin, smiles at self in mirror, woman comes up behindHumorously age-inappropriate behaviours (babies rollerskating, grannies rapping etc)‘At [brand], we believe [improbable principle]. That’s why we [tenuous link to product/service]‘

And the most rage-inducing:

MIS-SOLD PPI. HAVE YOU BEEN MIS-SOLD PPI? PPI? PPI?! PPI! AAAARGHThe Go Compare man (big surprise)POEMS, argh. And I’d like to add: song lyrics read as poemsAwful dubbing – the new Captain Morgan ad was mentioned several timesStephen Fry EVERYWHEREBrad Pitt for Chanel – new but fantastically unpopular

So there we have it, adland. All the stuff we’re not allowed to do for a while if we want our friends and countrymen to stay sane and not hate us. Well, more than they do already.

If I’ve missed anything that should definitely be banned from ads, add it in the comments.

[Massive thanks to all these lovely twitter people: @djtommytrouble, @HWmadeeasy, @holly_smithxxxx, @alexandervelky, @pwcfreelance, @chalkey79, @jacksleight, @stuandrob, @jonofthesouth, @annatullx, @suchak_, @the_chadd, @nnnomi, @stevie_kemm, @itsconor_ithink, @smh627, @joe_n1nety, @sam_20man, @mattdenton96, @30sumat, @ohforfucksam, @joannaax, @melissa_garratt, @mrharrymay, @downatheel, @akramsohaib, @lozgriffin, @stevenashworth, @waqas_1990, @conorjriverol, @laylanewman, @cherylyy, @carlajackson__, @emmawalpole22, @brianmathabela, @caitlinblount, @alconcalcia, @ericledford, @emilyd628, @dazgale, @iamatapdog, @eloise1104, @rhiannoncoats, @im_danclarke, @uchihadams, @oorightt, @brokensmiles_, @pawwow, @andyrae92, @keithgrimes, @blueb3rry_, @jordanxbuchanan, @tippett1996, @jemgillam, @saritaamy, @tomcopy, @digital_pariah, @baldtel, @andywilletts, @danmallerman, @larnerc, @jonnohopkins, @betarish, @james_l_thomas, @alextheboy, @hairingtons, @paulruk, @thedukeofbork, @nealedenaro, @dedhedzed, @rowan_kby].

Tags: advertising, fail, irritating, rage, Rants, should be banned, tone of voice, TV ads

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This is what 99p’s worth of copywriting gets you

Sorry, I could not read the content fromt this page.

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Bauballs: battle of the balls

For as long as anyone can remember, Christmas has happened every year. And also for as long as anyone can remember, men had balls. And yet at two separate London agencies this year, these two age-old facts came together in exactly the same way. With the same name.

Behold Albion London’s Bauballs:

And Fallon London’s Bauballs:

So before anyone gets testy, there’s only one way to settle this. With a battle of the balls, presided over by me. Obviously.

Round 1: appearance

It’s important to have good-looking stones.

Fallon’s Bauballs come in one variety: shiny, hard plastic.

Albion’s offering comes in no less than eight variants, including:

Maximum effort there. Impressive.

Round 1 winner: Albion.

Round 2: worthiness

Both sets of Bauballs are raising money for testicular cancer charities – Albion for Everyman, and Fallon for Orchid. But how much are they raising?

Fallon’s offering costs a ball-busting fifteen quid, although it does include P&P. Albion’s is £5 (plus P&P), so they’d need to sell three times as many sacks to make the same amount of money.

However. Fallon’s knackers have already sold out, whereas Albion’s Etsy shop seems very well stocked indeed. And with so many varieties, one expects gonad fans reaching into their coin purse for £15 might opt for three Albion pairs rather than one of Fallon’s.

In addition, Albion has auctioned a symbolic pair of their office dog’s bollocks on eBay for a scro-tastic 56 quid. I reckon this puts them well in the lead.

Round 2 winner: Albion.

Round 3: responsibility

While they’re shilling Christmas plums, have the agencies gone to any extra effort to spread the message of the charities they’re representing?

Fallon’s done well here with their nad-checking guide:

Whereas Albion’s is all about the decorations. Tut, all mouth and no trousers.

Round 3 winner: Fallon.

The verdict

Although the real winner here is charity my Christmas tree, I’d have to be nuts not to award it to Albion with their score of 2-1. Which means Fallon gets the sack.

Ho ho ho.

Tags: agencies, Albion, Bauballs, charity, Christmas, Disturbing things I've found on the internet, Fallon, Interesting

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Fixing straplines: Nescafé Dolce Gusto

We copywriters go to such lengths to perfect the straplines we write that we can’t help mentally tweaking the ones we see in our daily lives. I’m terribly guilty of this, often standing on a tube platform thinking “you could remove two whole words from that line and it’d still work just as well”, or worse, boring people I know about why the line on that ad in the X Factor break didn’t quite work.

Usually, though, the changes I’d want to make are fairly minor. This is because the majority of straplines are well-crafted, highly-invested-in strings of words that rarely feature glaring errors or pitfalls.

This one, though, is baffling me:

It’s the new Nescafé Dolce Gusto strapline. Dolce Gusto is a range of home coffee machines using those little capsules, which come in a plethora of varieties from bog-standard espresso to double-caff skinny chocca mochaccino. Or something.

So let’s look at that line. “Coffee is not just black”.

I know what they were going for. Their pods come in a range of colours and flavours, putting a clever double meaning on the word “black” (black the colour, black the milkless coffee format). But at the same time, they’re implying that black is a negative thing. “Not just black” = “black is bad”.

Not only does this have minor racist overtones (though I’m not for a minute suggesting they intended them), but black doesn’t equate to “bad” in the common consciousness. Do you know what does? A well-known phrase that’s only two words longer, and would have totally redeemed this strapline.

Coffee is not just black and white.

Yes, it’s a cliché, but it transforms the “black is bad” message into one everyone recognises – that “black and white” means plain, simple, boring. Which is exactly what they were going for, and still works with the coffee metaphor.

I’m actually at a loss as to why they wouldn’t write the line this way. Did they have a strict word count? Did they eliminate the “and white” at the last second because they thought they didn’t need it?

Well, they did. I rarely advocate making a line longer, but in this case, “just black” is just wrong.

Tags: advertising, copy, copywriting, Dolce Gusto, fail, good copy, Interesting, marketing, Nescafe, Rants, straplines, Writing

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4 Keys to Healthy Aging: Study

By Dr. Mercola

If you had a choice and could either age well, enjoying your "golden years" with energy and vigor, free from disability and illness – or age poorly, and be straddled with health issues that keep you from fully living the later years of your life … which would you choose?

You do actually have a choice, or at least can choose to use strategies that will greatly sway your chances in one direction or the other. And I'm sure most everyone reading this would rather experience healthy aging than the alternative…

New research has found four key behaviors that lower your risk of disability, chronic disease and mental health problems as you age.1

Exercising regularly (at least 2.5 hours a week of moderate activity or 1 hour a week of vigorous activity) Eating vegetables and fruits daily

Now here's what's interesting. While each of these was moderately beneficial on its own, increasing the odds of "successful aging" by up to 50 percent, the best rewards came from following all of them simultaneously. Those who practiced all four of these tripled their chances of avoiding disability and disease over a 16-year period, and experienced good cognitive, mental, physical, respiratory, and cardiovascular functioning.

"Although individual healthy behaviors are moderately associated with successful aging, their combined impact is substantial," the researchers said.

The bottom line is, the more healthy habits you embrace, the higher your chances of aging "successfully" becomes. And while the strategies listed above are all important, there are several others that I believe can benefit most people greatly as well.

1.  Avoid Sugar/Fructose

Limiting sugar in your diet is a well-known key to longevity, because of all the molecules capable of inflicting damage in your body, sugar molecules are probably the most damaging of all. Fructose in particular is an extremely potent pro-inflammatory agent that creates toxic advanced glycation end products (AGEs), which are associated with the development of chronic degenerative diseases associated with aging.

Excess fructose consumption also promotes the kind of dangerous growth of fat cells around your vital organs that are the hallmark of diabetes and heart disease. In one study, 16 volunteers who ate high levels of fructose produced new fat cells around their heart, liver and other digestive organs in just 10 weeks!2

Sugar/fructose also increases your insulin and leptin levels and decreases receptor sensitivity for both of these vital hormones, and this is another major factor in premature aging and age-related chronic degenerative diseases such as heart disease and diabetes. Keep in mind that while it's perfectly normal for your blood sugar levels to rise slightly after every meal, it is not natural or healthy when your blood sugar levels become excessively elevated and stay that way.

Unfortunately, that's exactly what will happen if you're eating like the average American, who consumes a staggering 2.5 pounds of sugar a week on average! And when you add in other low-quality carb foods such as pastries, cookies, candy and starchy "complex carbs" such as bread and pasta, which also break down to sugar (glucose) in your body, it's not so difficult to see why so many Americans are in such poor health.

Further, according to Professor Cynthia Kenyon, whom many experts believe should win the Nobel Prize for her research into aging, carbohydrates (glucose) directly affect the genes that govern youthfulness and longevity. So, you may actually be able to extend your life and stay fit throughout your old age with a simple dietary change that switches on your "youth" gene.

Kenyon's research with C. elegans roundworms showed that decreased carb intake can lead to significant life extension and improved long-term health. One of the most interesting details of her findings is that not only did the roundworms live up to SIX TIMES longer than normal, but they kept their health and youthful vigor until the end—and isn't that what "healthy aging" is really all about?

As a standard recommendation, I strongly advise keeping your TOTAL fructose consumption below 25 grams per day. However, most people would be wise to limit their fructose to 15 grams or less, particularly if you have elevated uric acid levels, which can be used as an indicator of fructose toxicity. (For more information on this, please see this recent article.)

2.  High Intensity "Anti-Aging" Exercise like Peak Fitness

Even if you're eating the healthiest diet in the world, you still need to exercise to reach the highest levels of health, and you need to be exercising effectively, which means including high-intensity activities into your rotation. A recent study published in the journal Mechanisms of Aging and Development3 confirmed the "anti-aging" effect of high-intensity training, such as Peak Fitness.

High-intensity interval-type training also gives a natural boost to your human growth hormone (HGH) production, which is essential for optimal health, strength and vigor. I've discussed the importance of Peak Fitness for your health on numerous occasions, so for more information, please review this previous article.

3.  Stress Reduction and Positive Thinking

You cannot be optimally healthy if you avoid addressing the emotional component of your health and longevity, as your emotional state plays a role in nearly every physical disease -- from heart disease and depression, to arthritis and cancer. It's simply no coincidence that many centenarians mention positive thought and emotional wellness in their advice on how to stay healthy. As 114-year-old Walter Breuning said before his death:

"Tell yourself that every day is a good day, and make it that way."

Effective coping mechanisms are a major longevity-promoting factor in part because stress has a direct impact on inflammation, which in turn underlies many of the chronic diseases that kill people prematurely every day. Meditation, prayer, social support and exercise are all viable options that can help you maintain emotional and mental equilibrium. I also strongly believe in using simple tools such as the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to address deeper, oftentimes hidden, emotional problems.

4.  Take High-Quality Animal-Based Omega-3 Fats

Animal-based omega-3 fat is a strong factor in helping people live longer, and many experts believe that it is likely the predominant reason why the Japanese are the longest lived race on the planet (as their diets are naturally high in omega-3s). In the United States, many are deficient in omega-3 fats.

According to Dr. William Harris, an expert on omega-3 fats, those who have an omega-3 index of less than 4 percent age much faster than those with indexes above 8 percent. Therefore, your omega-3 index may also be an effective marker of your rate of aging.

Although this research is preliminary, I would suggest that optimizing your omega-3 levels above 8 percent would be a good strategy if you're interested in delaying aging. (Your doctor can order the omega-3 index test from a lab called Health Diagnostic Laboratory in Richmond, Virginia.)

5.  Optimize Your Vitamin D Levels

In one study of more than 2,000 women, those with higher vitamin D levels were found to have fewer aging-related changes in their DNA, as well as lowered inflammatory responses.4 Additionally, people with low levels of vitamin D have been found to be more likely to have diabetes, high blood pressure, and diseased heart muscle -- and are three times more likely to die from any cause compared to those with normal levels.5

We have long known that it is best to get your vitamin D from sun exposure, and if at all possible, I strongly urge you to make sure you're getting out in the sun on a daily basis. If you can't get out in the sun, a safe tanning bed is the next best option. It is also important to make sure you get enough vitamin K2 to balance your vitamin D levels. The best way to get the vitamin K2 is from fermented vegetables that are created from special starter cultures that use bacteria that make vitamin K2.

6.  Intermittent Fasting

There's a growing body of research showing that fasting has a beneficial impact on longevity in animals. There are a number of mechanisms contributing to this effect. Normalizing insulin sensitivity is a major one as insulin sensitivity is critical for the activation of the mTOR pathway, which plays an important part in repairing and regenerating your tissues including your muscles and thereby counteracting the aging process. The fact that it improves a number of potent disease markers indicates that fasting can have an overall beneficial effect on your general health. For example, modern science has confirmed fasting can help you:

Normalize your insulin sensitivity, which is key for optimal health as insulin resistance (which is what you get when your insulin sensitivity plummets) is a primary contributing factor to nearly all chronic disease, from diabetes to heart disease and even cancer Normalize ghrelin levels, also known as "the hunger hormone" Promote human growth hormone (HGH) production, which plays an important part in health, fitness and slowing the aging process Lower triglyceride levels Reduce inflammation and lessening free radical damage

On intermittent fasting, the longest time you'll ever abstain from food is 36 hours, although 14-18 hours is more common. You can also opt to simply delay eating, for example skipping breakfast, or stop eating earlier in the day. The issue of fasting is a major shift from my typical recommendations. I've not been a major advocate for it in the past, but as many of you who have been reading this site for years know, I am always learning.

To that end, I've now revised my personal eating schedule to eliminate breakfast and restrict the time I eat food to a period of about six to seven hours each day, which is typically from noon to 6 or 7 pm.

One caveat: the same genes that promote human longevity also appear to suppress female reproductive capacity. Hence fasting and intense exercise protocols, both known to promote longevity, also lower estrogen levels, thereby modulating body composition in women and suppressing female reproductive capacity. So this may not be an ideal strategy for women of reproductive age who wish to have children.

There is no "quick fix" or magic bullet when it comes to aging well. Generally speaking, the better you treat your body throughout your life, the better your aging experience will be.

Most people do not revel in the thought of getting older because for many "aging" is synonymous with aches and pains, forgetfulness and loneliness. It certainly is inevitable that you're going to get older, but I can tell you from personal experience that this does not have to be a bad thing.

Now, in my late 50s, I am the fittest I have ever been in my life, and I also live out every day to its fullest potential. I may have been able to run faster when I was younger but I would never trade that for the muscle strength, flexibility and knowledge that I have today. You too can achieve wellness on both physical and mental fronts, and you can do so at any age. In fact, in many respects life only continues to get better as the years go by.

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I take it all back – memes in ads 2

Earlier this year, I wrote about agencies using memes in adverts, and why I thought it was a bit wank. I wasn’t convinced that piggybacking on a meme would ever make a good campaign.

Well, I was wrong.

This is fucking brilliant.

The resolution, “#Firstworldproblems are not problems” could be stronger, but it’s still a great idea. (Copy-wise, I’d have written something like, “Some #firstworldproblems affect us all. Like the lack of donations from the US to its crisis-hit world neighbours”).

Nonetheless, it’s a fantastic bit of work and I encourage you all to donate to Water is Life.

Tags: advertising, charity, copy, copywriting, digital, Interesting, marketing, online, social media, tone of voice, virals, YouTube

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Another excellent social media response

A chap called Thomas Cook rather cheekily asked Thomas Cook holidays on Facebook if he might score a free weekend to Paris. He made a great case, but unfortunately, their social media person was working asleep. They replied to a witty, creative post with a lame, dry “no” and a link to their website. Rubbish.

Now, I’m not saying they should have given him a holiday. Clearly, that sort of thing would get expensive quickly. But there are SO many ways they could have engaged with him entertainingly, coming off well as a brand. Instead, they left the field wide open for a competitor to step in and steal the PR – and they did:

Well played, Lowcostholidays.com.

So Mr. Cook got his free holiday, Lowcostholidays got some very low-cost publicity (including the near-priceless post on my blog here), and Thomas Cook the company got… nothing. In fact, less than nothing. They got docked ten social media points.

To end on a happy note, here’s Thomas on his jollies:

Aww. Bonnes vacances.

Tags: Facebook, fail, freebies, holidays, lowcostholidays.com, online, PR, social media, Thomas Cook

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The Dangers of Christmas Decorations

By Dr. Mercola

More than 80 percent of Americans decorate their homes as part of their holiday celebrations.1 For many, Christmas wouldn’t be the same without colored lights, garland, stockings hung from the mantel and, of course, a carefully decorated Christmas tree. For the most part, holiday decorations are a source of joy that only adds to the spirit of the season, but it is important to take some safety precautions to avoid unnecessary health risks during this special time of year.

1. Christmas Tree Fires

Every year, Christmas trees are implicated in an average of 240 home fires, including a related 13 deaths, 27 injuries and $16.7 million in property damage.2 While relatively uncommon, Christmas tree fires are unusually likely to be serious and are more likely to result in deaths than other home fires. While any Christmas tree can pose a fire risk, natural trees are more likely to catch fire than artificial trees. This is especially true if they dry out, rather than being kept moist.

In most cases, electrical failures or malfunctions cause the tree to start on fire, although heat sources too close to the tree, decorative lights and candles may also play a role.

2. Holiday Light Fires

Each year, about 150 home fires occur due to holiday lights, resulting in an average of 8 deaths, 14 injuries and $8.5 million in property damages. Usually fire is the result of electrical failures or malfunctions with the lights.

3. Falls

Falls while holiday decorating send about 5,800 people to emergency rooms every year. Most often, injuries result from falling off a ladder (such as while hanging Christmas lights and other outdoor decorations), followed by falling off a roof.3 Less often, falls from furniture or caused by tripping on tree skirts or other decorations are also reported.

4. Spray-On Snow

Simply shake up the can and spray to add a frosty look to just about any surface … the problem is, many of the sprays contain a slew of chemicals, including acetone and methylene chloride, which you can inhale while spraying the snow (and before it dries). Nausea, headache and lightheadedness are common symptoms that can result if you inhale spray-on snow, particularly if you’re working on your craft in a small or poorly ventilated room. In the long-term, the chemical exposure may be much more serious, as methylene chloride is a probable carcinogen.

5. Christmas Lights Containing Lead

We’ve covered fires relating to holiday lights, but these products are also often tainted with toxins, including lead. In fact, in California Christmas lights must carry a warning label stating that they contain chemicals that may be carcinogenic and cause birth defects. Researchers have found that four out of five holiday lights tested contain lead, 28 percent of which contained lead at such high levels they would be illegal to sell in Europe.4 Both the wiring insulation and bulb bases often contained the toxic metal.

While manufacturers say the use of lead is necessary to stabilize cord casings and make the lights heat resistant, lead-free stabilizers are widely available and already in use by some manufacturers. However, because there’s a good chance your holiday lights may contain lead, wear gloves and then wash your hands whenever you handle them.

That said, the lights’ lead-containing casing is typically made from polyvinyl chloride (PVC). One of the main problems with PVC is that it contains phthalates, or "plasticizers," which are endocrine-disrupting chemicals that have been linked to a wide range of developmental and reproductive “gender-bending” effects that are particularly dangerous to infants and children. These chemicals are often found in household air and dust, so it may be better to string your holiday lights outdoors only.

6. Candles

It probably won’t come as a surprise to learn that the top three days for home candle fires are Christmas Eve, Christmas day and New Year’s Day. December is also a particularly “busy” month for candle fires, which often start because combustible seasonal decorations are kept too close to the flame.5

There is another, far more insidious, danger to candles aside from fire, and that is that they can release hundreds of chemicals, including cancer-causing benzene, into your home’s air every time you burn them. This is particularly true of scented candles, as the fragrance oils often contain phthalates, which have been linked to numerous hormonal disruptions, breast cancer, early or delayed puberty and more. This is true not only of scented candles, but also of other holiday fragrances, such as air fresheners and potpourri.

7. Tinsel and Other Choking Hazards

Holiday decorations, with all their shine and glitter, are especially tempting to infants, who can quickly choke on items like tinsel, small ornaments, tiny pinecones and pieces from nativity scenes. Be sure to keep all such hazards well out of the reach of children; this includes popular holiday food items like nuts and hard candies, too.

8. Sugar/Fructose in Candy Canes and Other Holiday Treats

Candy canes and other sweets are a traditional part of the holiday season, but the sugar and/or fructose they contain pose one of the biggest dangers of all. Evidence is mounting that sugar is a primary contributing factor not only in obesity and diabetes, but other chronic degenerative diseases such as cancer.

Excessive fructose consumption, for instance, leads to insulin resistance, which appears to be the root of many, if not most, chronic diseases. Fructose also raises your uric acid levels—it typically generates uric acid within minutes of ingestion—which in turn can wreak havoc on your blood pressure, insulin production, and kidney function. So far, scientific studies have linked fructose to about 78 different diseases and health problems.

Further, when you eat sugar it triggers the production of your brain's natural opioids -- a key factor in addiction. Your brain essentially becomes addicted to the sugar-induced opioid release, not unlike addictions to morphine or heroin, and this may explain why one piece of candy often leads to another, and then another.

9. Mistletoe and Holly

Poinsettias are often regarded as the most poisonous holiday plant, but contrary to popular belief these plants are actually not toxic to people. Mistletoe, on the other hand, is poisonous. Eating any part of the mistletoe plant, but particularly the berries and leaves, can lead to gastrointestinal upset, while some varieties contain toxins that can lead to blurred vision, blood pressure changes and even death. Holly is also poisonous, and consuming just 20 berries may be lethal to a child.

Christmas can be a wonderful break in the daily routine that pervades the rest of the year, or it can be the most stressful of times. Since Christmas often stands for family togetherness more so than any other holiday, it is the time of year when you may become acutely aware of any such voids in your life, magnifying feelings of grief, isolation and loneliness.

You may also be facing financial difficulties or health issues, or have unrealistic expectations of making your holiday “perfect.” The stress can become overwhelming, even under the best circumstances. If emotional stress is a burden to you this time of year, I suggest trying the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to help you remove negative emotions and enjoy the season. Here are a few more tips that can help you keep your sense of balance during the holidays when stress threatens to take over the show:

Be gentle on yourself, and give yourself permission to say “No”… It really is okay to take special time for yourself. If the holidays have you feeling down for whatever reason, indulge in the things that make you feel happy, whether they’re holiday related or not. Seek out positive people who make you feel better, and avoid people who add to your stress or contribute to your depression. Regain a sense of control by scheduling no more than one or two manageable goals per day, even if they’re as simple as writing a few cards or cleaning a small section of a room. The satisfaction of completing these tasks can add to your sense of well-being and help you get everything done, over a longer period of time. If a certain tradition causes more stress and discomfort than joy, give yourself permission to do things differently! Remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way to celebrate Christmas. Ban the word “should.” Focus on what you and your family want to do for the holidays instead of what other families are doing. Take advantage of online shopping instead of rushing through malls, make homemade gifts, or give gifts of service, such as volunteering or cooking meals. If the thought of cooking Christmas dinner gives you a headache, arrange to have friends and family over to help you cook ahead of time or hold a potluck dinner instead. Make a concerted effort to realign the focus of the holiday to reflect your spiritual or ethical beliefs rather than commercial values. You may need to discuss how you and your family will do this, as it can take many forms depending on your beliefs.

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Huawei Ascend D2 Full Exposure Leaked

From the images the camera style is same as that of HTC One X

Huawei Ascend D2 will have 5 inch Full HD display Powered by 1.5Ghz Quad Core Processor which comes with Homemade System On Chip(SoC) by HiSilicon Technologies and running Android 4.1.X Jelly Bean.

The smartphone will have 2GB RAM and will comes with massive 3000mAh Battery.There is also 13Mpx camera present in the phone and the navigations keys are present on the screen.The smartphone is also dual sim supported.The smartphone weighs 170grams and measurements are 140*71*9.9mm There are no confirmed details about the price of Huawei Ascend D2,but the expected price of the phone will be around $500

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The Practicon calendar: the greatest Secret Santa present of all time?

Dental company Practicon put out a calendar featuring dental models in amusing family-style poses. They didn’t expect it to go viral, but it’s not hard to see why it did!

Here, in its entirety, is the amazing Practicon dental calendar 2013. Click to enlarge the images.

Even better, Practicon are now selling the calendars online – including international shipping. Buy yours here, and become the Secret Santa legend you’ve always wanted to be.

Tags: amazing, bonkersness, calendar, dental, disturbing, Disturbing things I've found on the internet, Facebook, Interesting, internet, Practicon, viral

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Bauballs: battle of the balls

For as long as anyone can remember, Christmas has happened every year. And also for as long as anyone can remember, men had balls. And yet at two separate London agencies this year, these two age-old facts came together in exactly the same way. With the same name.

Behold Albion London’s Bauballs:

And Fallon London’s Bauballs:

So before anyone gets testy, there’s only one way to settle this. With a battle of the balls, presided over by me. Obviously.

Round 1: appearance

It’s important to have good-looking stones.

Fallon’s Bauballs come in one variety: shiny, hard plastic.

Albion’s offering comes in no less than eight variants, including:

Maximum effort there. Impressive.

Round 1 winner: Albion.

Round 2: worthiness

Both sets of Bauballs are raising money for testicular cancer charities – Albion for Everyman, and Fallon for Orchid. But how much are they raising?

Fallon’s offering costs a ball-busting fifteen quid, although it does include P&P. Albion’s is £5 (plus P&P), so they’d need to sell three times as many sacks to make the same amount of money.

However. Fallon’s knackers have already sold out, whereas Albion’s Etsy shop seems very well stocked indeed. And with so many varieties, one expects gonad fans reaching into their coin purse for £15 might opt for three Albion pairs rather than one of Fallon’s.

In addition, Albion has auctioned a symbolic pair of their office dog’s bollocks on eBay for a scro-tastic 56 quid. I reckon this puts them well in the lead.

Round 2 winner: Albion.

Round 3: responsibility

While they’re shilling Christmas plums, have the agencies gone to any extra effort to spread the message of the charities they’re representing?

Fallon’s done well here with their nad-checking guide:

Whereas Albion’s is all about the decorations. Tut, all mouth and no trousers.

Round 3 winner: Fallon.

The verdict

Although the real winner here is charity my Christmas tree, I’d have to be nuts not to award it to Albion with their score of 2-1. Which means Fallon gets the sack.

Ho ho ho.

Tags: agencies, Albion, Bauballs, charity, Christmas, Disturbing things I've found on the internet, Fallon, Interesting

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I take it all back – memes in ads 2

Earlier this year, I wrote about agencies using memes in adverts, and why I thought it was a bit wank. I wasn’t convinced that piggybacking on a meme would ever make a good campaign.

Well, I was wrong.

This is fucking brilliant.

The resolution, “#Firstworldproblems are not problems” could be stronger, but it’s still a great idea. (Copy-wise, I’d have written something like, “Some #firstworldproblems affect us all. Like the lack of donations from the US to its crisis-hit world neighbours”).

Nonetheless, it’s a fantastic bit of work and I encourage you all to donate to Water is Life.

Tags: advertising, charity, copy, copywriting, digital, Interesting, marketing, online, social media, tone of voice, virals, YouTube

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This is what 99p’s worth of copywriting gets you

Sorry, I could not read the content fromt this page.

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Another excellent social media response

A chap called Thomas Cook rather cheekily asked Thomas Cook holidays on Facebook if he might score a free weekend to Paris. He made a great case, but unfortunately, their social media person was working asleep. They replied to a witty, creative post with a lame, dry “no” and a link to their website. Rubbish.

Now, I’m not saying they should have given him a holiday. Clearly, that sort of thing would get expensive quickly. But there are SO many ways they could have engaged with him entertainingly, coming off well as a brand. Instead, they left the field wide open for a competitor to step in and steal the PR – and they did:

Well played, Lowcostholidays.com.

So Mr. Cook got his free holiday, Lowcostholidays got some very low-cost publicity (including the near-priceless post on my blog here), and Thomas Cook the company got… nothing. In fact, less than nothing. They got docked ten social media points.

To end on a happy note, here’s Thomas on his jollies:

Aww. Bonnes vacances.

Tags: Facebook, fail, freebies, holidays, lowcostholidays.com, online, PR, social media, Thomas Cook

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Ad agency Ralph lets you assassinate Facebook friends with small breasts

This week in jaw-dropping, how-the-hell-did-this-get-made campaigns is Ralph’s very short-lived Facebook one for Square Enix’s Hitman game.

It allowed you to put a “hit” out on your Facebook friends (ie send a hitman after them). This is questionable in itself. But the list of reasons you can give for killing them, and worse, the list of identifying traits you can give to the hitman had my jaw on the floor.

Gaming blog Rock, Paper, Shotgun lists said traits as follows:

Her awful make-upHer ginger hairHer annoying laughHer strange odourHer big earsHer muffin topHer hairy legsHer small tits

Seriously. Here’s a screenshot to prove it, where he’s chosen a friend to “kill” because she’s cheating (click to enlarge):

That’s not something he’s typed in himself – it’s from a dropdown list of pre-determined selections. Small tits. Ginger hair. Seriously.

Next in this stellar process is a message saying you’ve been wished dead:

And THEN a video of the deed. Amazing.

I have no words.

Unsurprisingly, this campaign was pulled almost as soon as it launched, but the problem is, it DID launch. It was concepted, refined and built, tested and deployed, and no one said “hold on, should we really be suggesting killing people with bad make-up?”. Unbelievable.

Here’s Square Enix’s cringing apology:

“Earlier today we launched an app based around Hitman: Absolution that allowed you to place virtual hits on your Facebook friends. Those hits would only be viewable by the recipient and could only be sent to people who were confirmed friends.

We were wide of the mark with the app and following feedback from the community we decided the best thing to do was remove it completely and quickly. This we’ve now done.

We’re sorry for any offence caused by this.”

No word yet from Ralph, the agency responsible, though. Disappointing.

Story and pictures via Rock,  Paper, Shotgun.

Tags: advertising, agencies, digital, Disturbing things I've found on the internet, Facebook, fail, gaming, marketing, online, Ralph, Rants, sexism, small tits, social media, Square Enix, unbelievable

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Things that should be banned from ads: the definitive list

Sourced from my brain and twitter. Join in with #shouldbebannedfromads

People doing accents that aren’t their ownOpera singersDumping out the contents of a bag into the bin to represent having a big poo 
“XYZ just got better” and ALL VARIANTS THEREOFBlue liquid to represent blood or weeMen being endearingly hopeless at household tasks or caring for childrenPretend testimonials from actors (take note, toothpaste ads)Children whisperingBullshit stats like “72% of 8 women who tested this product agreed”Mascara ads filmed with fake eyelashes“Up to X% more effective.” “Up to” includes 0% dammit!Brand ambassadorsMeerkatsMade up words. L’oreal’s “MILLIONIZER” and Three’s “INTERNETTING” are particularly irksomeChoirs and, in fact, all types of singingSlow-mo sneezing (“that’s just nasty”)Pseudoscientific names (one example was “hydrofidrpolylypicides”, haha)“Designed for humans” – well, OBVIOUSLYHorror movie trailers when you’re home alone and scaredFilming starving African children with a £5000 camera, then trying to make us feel bad for themImpressive but obvious word-weaselry: “here at Shell, we design fuel that works on a molecular level” …Duh“Like us on Facebook” as a call to actionBowels, the word “poo”, talk of bloody poo or bloody stoolsPeople staring in wonderment at absurdly ugly carsOrgasm-faces while eatingClassic songs rewritten about the brandAny and all songs we actually like (Blur’s “The Universal” will never be the same again)Jean Claude van Damme’s mulletFake job titles – as in “Hi, I’m Rick, a gum maintenance specialist”Children as adultsAirbrushingTerrible erection metaphors – like deflating balloons to represent being terminally bonerlessCats being smarter than dogs, in turn being smarter than menAds written to win awards, not sell productsHashtags. I don’t entirely agree with this one, but I will say misused hashtagsAdverts for adverts! What is this?! I’ve seen an ad for a Paranormal Activity ad three times this week!Talking animalsThe idea that you ‘deserve’ or ‘are worth’ a productSean Bean’s voiceMatt Berry’s voice (who is Matt Berry, you ask? Just imagine a BIG, EPIC BRITISH VOICE, VERY MANLY, PROBABLY TALKING ABOUT MOUSTACHES. There you go.)Carol VordermanQR codesUnrealistically attractive call centre fem-botsPlinky-plonky music (sorry @paulruk, but I don’t agree that it’s OK for Google and Apple!)Gross ads at teatimeThe word “bloating”The word “lovely”Irritating sound effects on radio ads. Especially bloody alarm clocks and bike bells

Three from @tomcopy that particularly made me laugh:

Supernaturally good-looking guy strokes clinically clean-shaven chin, smiles at self in mirror, woman comes up behindHumorously age-inappropriate behaviours (babies rollerskating, grannies rapping etc)‘At [brand], we believe [improbable principle]. That’s why we [tenuous link to product/service]‘

And the most rage-inducing:

MIS-SOLD PPI. HAVE YOU BEEN MIS-SOLD PPI? PPI? PPI?! PPI! AAAARGHThe Go Compare man (big surprise)POEMS, argh. And I’d like to add: song lyrics read as poemsAwful dubbing – the new Captain Morgan ad was mentioned several timesStephen Fry EVERYWHEREBrad Pitt for Chanel – new but fantastically unpopular

So there we have it, adland. All the stuff we’re not allowed to do for a while if we want our friends and countrymen to stay sane and not hate us. Well, more than they do already.

If I’ve missed anything that should definitely be banned from ads, add it in the comments.

[Massive thanks to all these lovely twitter people: @djtommytrouble, @HWmadeeasy, @holly_smithxxxx, @alexandervelky, @pwcfreelance, @chalkey79, @jacksleight, @stuandrob, @jonofthesouth, @annatullx, @suchak_, @the_chadd, @nnnomi, @stevie_kemm, @itsconor_ithink, @smh627, @joe_n1nety, @sam_20man, @mattdenton96, @30sumat, @ohforfucksam, @joannaax, @melissa_garratt, @mrharrymay, @downatheel, @akramsohaib, @lozgriffin, @stevenashworth, @waqas_1990, @conorjriverol, @laylanewman, @cherylyy, @carlajackson__, @emmawalpole22, @brianmathabela, @caitlinblount, @alconcalcia, @ericledford, @emilyd628, @dazgale, @iamatapdog, @eloise1104, @rhiannoncoats, @im_danclarke, @uchihadams, @oorightt, @brokensmiles_, @pawwow, @andyrae92, @keithgrimes, @blueb3rry_, @jordanxbuchanan, @tippett1996, @jemgillam, @saritaamy, @tomcopy, @digital_pariah, @baldtel, @andywilletts, @danmallerman, @larnerc, @jonnohopkins, @betarish, @james_l_thomas, @alextheboy, @hairingtons, @paulruk, @thedukeofbork, @nealedenaro, @dedhedzed, @rowan_kby].

Tags: advertising, fail, irritating, rage, Rants, should be banned, tone of voice, TV ads

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Huawei Ascend D2 Full Exposure Leaked

From the images the camera style is same as that of HTC One X

Huawei Ascend D2 will have 5 inch Full HD display Powered by 1.5Ghz Quad Core Processor which comes with Homemade System On Chip(SoC) by HiSilicon Technologies and running Android 4.1.X Jelly Bean.

The smartphone will have 2GB RAM and will comes with massive 3000mAh Battery.There is also 13Mpx camera present in the phone and the navigations keys are present on the screen.The smartphone is also dual sim supported.The smartphone weighs 170grams and measurements are 140*71*9.9mm There are no confirmed details about the price of Huawei Ascend D2,but the expected price of the phone will be around $500

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Fixing straplines: Nescafé Dolce Gusto

We copywriters go to such lengths to perfect the straplines we write that we can’t help mentally tweaking the ones we see in our daily lives. I’m terribly guilty of this, often standing on a tube platform thinking “you could remove two whole words from that line and it’d still work just as well”, or worse, boring people I know about why the line on that ad in the X Factor break didn’t quite work.

Usually, though, the changes I’d want to make are fairly minor. This is because the majority of straplines are well-crafted, highly-invested-in strings of words that rarely feature glaring errors or pitfalls.

This one, though, is baffling me:

It’s the new Nescafé Dolce Gusto strapline. Dolce Gusto is a range of home coffee machines using those little capsules, which come in a plethora of varieties from bog-standard espresso to double-caff skinny chocca mochaccino. Or something.

So let’s look at that line. “Coffee is not just black”.

I know what they were going for. Their pods come in a range of colours and flavours, putting a clever double meaning on the word “black” (black the colour, black the milkless coffee format). But at the same time, they’re implying that black is a negative thing. “Not just black” = “black is bad”.

Not only does this have minor racist overtones (though I’m not for a minute suggesting they intended them), but black doesn’t equate to “bad” in the common consciousness. Do you know what does? A well-known phrase that’s only two words longer, and would have totally redeemed this strapline.

Coffee is not just black and white.

Yes, it’s a cliché, but it transforms the “black is bad” message into one everyone recognises – that “black and white” means plain, simple, boring. Which is exactly what they were going for, and still works with the coffee metaphor.

I’m actually at a loss as to why they wouldn’t write the line this way. Did they have a strict word count? Did they eliminate the “and white” at the last second because they thought they didn’t need it?

Well, they did. I rarely advocate making a line longer, but in this case, “just black” is just wrong.

Tags: advertising, copy, copywriting, Dolce Gusto, fail, good copy, Interesting, marketing, Nescafe, Rants, straplines, Writing

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Social media response of the day: O2 goes street

It’s not generally advisable to try and be down with the kids when you’re writing for a brand, but I’m letting O2 off for this, because it’s hilarious.

Nah Tunde, you don’t look like “an illiterate”. Not at all. Fam.

Tags: copy, copywriting, down with the kids, fam, good copy, Interesting, o2, online, social media, tone of voice, Twitter, Writing

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Bauballs: battle of the balls

For as long as anyone can remember, Christmas has happened every year. And also for as long as anyone can remember, men had balls. And yet at two separate London agencies this year, these two age-old facts came together in exactly the same way. With the same name.

Behold Albion London’s Bauballs:

And Fallon London’s Bauballs:

So before anyone gets testy, there’s only one way to settle this. With a battle of the balls, presided over by me. Obviously.

Round 1: appearance

It’s important to have good-looking stones.

Fallon’s Bauballs come in one variety: shiny, hard plastic.

Albion’s offering comes in no less than eight variants, including:

Maximum effort there. Impressive.

Round 1 winner: Albion.

Round 2: worthiness

Both sets of Bauballs are raising money for testicular cancer charities – Albion for Everyman, and Fallon for Orchid. But how much are they raising?

Fallon’s offering costs a ball-busting fifteen quid, although it does include P&P. Albion’s is £5 (plus P&P), so they’d need to sell three times as many sacks to make the same amount of money.

However. Fallon’s knackers have already sold out, whereas Albion’s Etsy shop seems very well stocked indeed. And with so many varieties, one expects gonad fans reaching into their coin purse for £15 might opt for three Albion pairs rather than one of Fallon’s.

In addition, Albion has auctioned a symbolic pair of their office dog’s bollocks on eBay for a scro-tastic 56 quid. I reckon this puts them well in the lead.

Round 2 winner: Albion.

Round 3: responsibility

While they’re shilling Christmas plums, have the agencies gone to any extra effort to spread the message of the charities they’re representing?

Fallon’s done well here with their nad-checking guide:

Whereas Albion’s is all about the decorations. Tut, all mouth and no trousers.

Round 3 winner: Fallon.

The verdict

Although the real winner here is charity my Christmas tree, I’d have to be nuts not to award it to Albion with their score of 2-1. Which means Fallon gets the sack.

Ho ho ho.

Tags: agencies, Albion, Bauballs, charity, Christmas, Disturbing things I've found on the internet, Fallon, Interesting

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The 3 Creepiest Facts About the Real Santa Claus

We're all aware that Santa Claus is based on the very real St. Nicholas of Myra, correct? He was a 5-foot-tall Greek guy with a broken nose, he lived in modern-day Turkey around A.D. 200 to 300 and he was renowned for his generosity, his kindness to children, and generally behaving like the reigning champion of a hobo bare-knuckle boxing league.

"I wish you a knuckle sandwich, and a happy throat-punch."

But time warps all, of course. The Santa Claus we know nowadays is a stout, lily-white guy in a bizarre velvet suit who's loved by children for enslaving hundreds of Legolas' cousins. And truth be told, all St. Nick and Santa Claus have in common these days is the white beard.

Yes, the real Santa was truly a rough-and-tumble son of a bitch. His exploits may have been embellished over the years, but the guy was constantly in and out of jail and tortured. The fact that his face was pretty much a pulverized shank of lamb at his death gives validity to the hardness of his lifestyle, particularly that time he clocked a bishop in the face for saying that Jesus wasn't divine enough.

Soumela Monastery via FrJody.com
Someone in Turkey even made a lovely fresco of this sucker punch.

Not only did he smack the bishop, but he did it in front of Emperor Constantine and so many other people that his holy fisticuffs became the stuff of legends. But bishop-slapping wasn't Nicholas' only claim to fame. Of all his strong opinions, none matched his hatred of paganism.

According to legend, Nick then personally oversaw the violent destruction of the Temple of Artemis. And as luck would have it, there were people who actually lived in the temple! So what happened when the now-homeless priests ran up to Nicholas and begged for mercy? "Go to hell's fire, which has been lit for you by the devil," he replied, his world-weary belly shaking like a bowl full of broken glass.

"Gimme that sword. You decapitate like a goddamn sissy."

St. Nick's done more for the wee ones of the world than to simply command his elven hive to build Tonka trucks. According to one fable, Nicholas met an innkeeper who butchered three kids and pickled them during a famine so he could try to pass them off as ham. After God's cosmic prodding led Nicholas to their corpses, he prayed to divinely stitch their little salty dismembered bodies back together.

Metropolitan Museum of Art
"From this day forth, you will be known as 'The Pickle Triplets' and possess all the powers of sodium."

We're not saying that you should build a trio of barfy gherkin golems on Christmas Eve instead of gingerbread men ... actually, fuck it, that's exactly what we're saying. And if you won't do that, at least don some Vlasic-soaked rags and dress up as St. Nick's jaunty archnemesis "The Cannibal Hotelier" to spook the neighborhood carolers with some briny pranks.

"SANTA SAYS 'HO-HO-HO!' I GO 'OH-OH-OH!'"

Santa Claus doesn't live in the North Pole. No, he lives all across Europe, in many different countries, a little bit here, a little there. You see, in 1087, Italian sailors stole St. Nicholas' remains from Turkey in a harrowing heist that involved hoodwinking some monks and escaping an angry mob of villagers. His holly-jolly bones were laid to rest in Bari, Italy, where they currently reside, much to the chagrin of Turkish Santaphiles.

To make matters more confusing, an abbey in Ireland claims to possess his body, and a bunch of random body parts said to belong to St. Surly are strewn all over the globe as relics. So if Santa doesn't get you what you want for Christmas this year, try writing to his tooth in Germany the next.

Berolinensis
"Dear molar, I want an Xbox."

Reuben Glaser created Little Face Mitt and occasionally writes for the AV Club. He's currently working on a wildly uncelebrated free e-book called "A Chris Christmas Carol." You can find him on Twitter.

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5 Ways to Actually Steal Christmas

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4 Things Hollywood Gets Wrong About the Holidays

HomeColumnists4 Things Hollywood Gets Wrong About the Holidays

I watch a lot of Christmas movies, and I've also had lots of Christmases. I've noticed some discrepancies.

To be clear, I'm not going to use this list as an opportunity to say things like "In Christmas movies, magic is real and, duh, no doy, in real life NO IT ISN'T." Because magic is real, it's everywhere and all around us and I feel bad for anyone who doesn't know how to look for it.

I'm talking about the other stuff.

Getty

As Seen In:

The Family Stone; Home for the Holidays; literally every sitcom where an extended family gets together for Christmas

Going strictly by what Hollywood tells me, I'd say that Christmas was the most dangerous time of the year with more domestic disturbances than any other day. You've seen it in movies and especially TV shows: a family gets together, (usually one with a lot of relatives that don't often see each other), and even though the sweet matriarch just wants "one Christmas dinner that doesn't turn into a huge fight," some kind of disaster will ensue. A horrible family secret will be dramatically revealed, someone's awkward new girlfriend will say something politically incorrect and wildly offensive, someone will crash a car through a dining room wall and the turkey that your mother worked all god damn day on will be ruined.

Or whatever hilarious misunderstanding is happening here, for example.

It's fine, because in the morning, everyone will have made up and learned lessons and grown and "Hey we're not so different you and I, Santa," but first, a flaming pot roast needs to be launched through a kitchen window, right in front of their shocked neighbors.

In Reality

I'm not trying to brag, but all of my Christmases have been, at best, pleasant and, at worst, slightly awkward, and that only happened when I saw family members that I knew very little about and with whom I had no common ground. And I'm not some fancy, super well-adjusted guy. I am, on my best day, a nervous pile of farts in a sweater, (I said it was my best day).

Getty
Oops, can't talk with presents. Right. Up. To your. Face. There we go.

I'm sure some people have very strained relationships with their families, and when those families get together at a big holiday, perhaps a fight breaks out, and for that I'm sorry. But the bottom line is that, for most people, a big, family dinner on Christmas is just a few, low-key hours with people you sort of know and sort of get along with who aren't necessarily your friends, and then there's pie.

As Seen In:

New Year's Eve; that one episode of How I Met Your Mother; that one episode of Friends

It's finally here! New Year's Eve! Time to get drunk, which you normally do at night, but this time there's counting! And when you're done counting, you get to make out with somebody. What's that? You don't have someone to kiss at midnight? You mean to tell me that you didn't bring someone along specifically to kiss when today turns into tomorrow? What were you thinking? How are you supposed to acknowledge the passage of time? What are you going to do when the rest of us-- literally, every single other person you know-- is kissing? Why did you even come to this party you stupid asshole?!

Getty
Gotta keep it together. Maybe let's crack open the champagne early.

In Reality

It's just a holiday, Freak Show. I don't know how many New Year's sitcom episodes I've seen where the entire plot revolved around one of the characters not having someone to kiss at midnight and feeling like shit about it. No one brings up the obvious burn, ("Look on the bright side: You also don't have someone to kiss at midnight tomorrow, or any other time of day."), they just agree that anyone who doesn't get that special midnight kiss will ring in the new year as a total failure.

I'm not against kissing. Why, I did it just the other day, and boy I'll tell you it was just grand. I just think Hollywood's decision to make the midnight kiss the most important New Year's tradition is kind of bizarre. I generally spend New Year's Eve with a large group of friends, and my concerns are less about what I'm going to do for the one minute where the clock strikes midnight and more about what I'm doing before and after that moment. Are all of my friends safe? How can I maximize the amount of fun we're all having? Will there be enough food? Which one of the guys at this party looks like he knows where the weed's at?

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